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Monday, June 17, 2013

Membership Does Not Have Its Privileges

I've always been somewhat of a joiner. Pep club? Sign me up. PTA? Hand me the application. Reunion committee? Look no further; you've found your sucker right here. I'll probably enroll in the AARP when the time comes. I mean, who wouldn't want 10% off a meal?

But since 2009, I've belonged to a club I can't quit. There's no monthly dues, no ID card, no annual board meeting, no logo-emblazoned, primary-colored polo shirt. My membership can never be revoked.

I'm a member of the Fatherless Daughters Club.

He was amazing. He was funny. He was smart. He was hardworking. He was Daddy.

And he's gone.

The cancer didn't kill him. It was complications from the "lifesaving," cancer-removing surgery. How's that for cruel irony?

As a member of the Fatherless Daughters Club, I can't bring myself to buy Hubs's deserving dad a Father's Day card for fear I'll burst into tears in the middle of Walgreens while poring over those Hallmark sentiments.

As a member of this club, I wonder why people I know still have their dads when mine was taken from me. (This is especially true if either party is an asshole.)

As a member of this club, I question why some people get to live to be 92, when my dad only made it to 69.

As a member of this club, I hoard every piece of paper bearing his unmistakable handwriting.

As a member of this club, I saved a cell phone message he left me before he died, refusing to activate my new iPhone until Hubs could figure out how to upload the message to my PC.

As a member of this club, I sleep atop the comforter on our bed, because I have to cover up every night with a blanket that belonged to him. Yes, I have a blankie. No, I'm not ready to give it up like a big girl.

I hate this club. It sucks. Membership in the FDC does not have its privileges.

#

trifecta weekly challenge: The entry must be 33-333 words and include the word "club," as defined below:

CLUB:
a: an association of persons for some common object usually jointly supported and meeting periodically; also: a group identified by some common characteristic <nations in the nuclear club>
b: the meeting place of a club <lunch at the club>
c: an association of persons participating in a plan by which they agree to make regular payments or purchases in order to secure some advantage
d: nightclub
e: an athletic association or team

My entry is 333 words.

27 comments:

  1. So sorry for your loss. My mom died of cancer in October. She refused to have surgery and died anyway. It is a sad club that my sister, brother, and I are in. Cindy 's Adult Children with No Mother.

    Very moving post.

    Best,
    MOV

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    Replies
    1. Oh, MOV. I'm so very sorry! Your loss is so fresh. I'd like to say it goes away, but I'm sure you know better than that. It does dull over time, but I still feel a void ... obviously.

      My condolences to you and your siblings.

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    2. thanks, Ivy. Only someone who has lost a parent can relate........

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  2. Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry...I'm sorry the prompt brought up something like this for you, as good a piece as this is.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you for your kind words. Guess I still had some residual Father's Day sadness hanging on this morning. Writing about it is cheaper than therapy.

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  3. I'm so sorry that this isn't fiction. It is wonderfully, wonderfully written.

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  4. Thanks so much for sharing this - so much real emotion conveyed so well. I lost my father very suddenly and much too young, many years ago and still miss him at unexpected moments and for unexpected reasons, especially since he never got to see his grandson born (who he would have been delighted by). It's a lousy club to be in, I agree, but some of the members are well worth knowing.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you for the kind words and for sharing your story. I'm so sorry your dad didn't get to meet your son. Must be hard not to feel cheated. My dad was super close to my kids. His sudden death stole some of their childhood innocence. I hated that for them, but I'm so glad he was in their lives albeit briefly. They are better for it.

      Thanks again!

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  5. I am so sorry for your loss. I can totally relate, I lost my mom a few years ago. She was only 57 and was robbed of her life due to an awful disease. It was hard watching her go down heal and I was sad that she left earth but I knew that she was going to a much better place. I think of her often and wish she got to meet my youngest son and would have gotten to chance to know my husband. I cherish those memories of her and wish that I too had a blanket or something like that to remind me of my mama.

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    Replies
    1. Christy, it's so humbling that my story has prompted others to share their experiences. I'm sorry for your loss. I was devastated that my dad was here one day, gone the next. On the flipside, it must have been horrible watching your mom decline. And 57 is so terribly young! I hope your memories give you some comfort when those sad times pop up--as I'm sure they do.

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  6. I too belong to this particular club, my dad died very suddenly in 1996 when I was 26 years old.

    I am so sorry for your loss and also I understand the empty place inside you where he used to be. I know it's hard to say that it will get easier, it doesn't..but it does get better, sweeter, (bittersweet).

    your memories will be good ones, and as cliche as it sounds, he is with you, in every moment of every day.

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    1. Kir, I totally believe that my dad is with me. Thank you for the reminder!

      I am sorry to hear you're a member of the FDC. 26 is awfully young to lose a parent. And I thought I had it bad at 39! Thank you so much for sharing your story and for the encouraging words.

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  7. Thank you for sharing this, so much emotion. I am very sorry for your loss. Beautifully written.
    Kate (Trifecta Guest Judge)

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    Replies
    1. Putting it all out there was a little scary, but I felt compelled to write it. Thank you for reading.

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  8. How very sad. It was hard to read. My condolences.

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    1. Thank you so much. It was hard to write, but I guess I needed to get it out.

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  9. So glad to hear you've been able to find ways to hold onto parts of him that were precious to you - his voice, a blanket. This may sound strange, but during times of loss with someone very close, I've always found myself inhaling their clothing, trying to figure out how I might capture their scent. Regrettably, it can't be done. But I feel blessed when precious memories slip up on me when I least expect them, like a fleeting fragrance of someone you love just before they wrap their arms around you. Hold tight to each one of those - they'll last for many years to come. Blessings, -j

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    Replies
    1. Thank you for taking the time to comment and sharing your experience. I can so relate to trying to capture the scent of someone you miss. I think it's natural to want to hold on to any reminder. And I, too, treasure those little memories that pop up; they make the loss so much more bearable.

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  10. I'm sorry to hear of your loss. You are very brave to share something so personal with us, so thank you for that.

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    1. Thank you, Draug. It's a very vulnerable place to be in. I had to talk myself into hitting "publish." But it's good to get these feelings out.

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  11. Sorry for your loss. Nice tribute to your Dad, though.

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  12. A club most of us join... sooner or later. I joined it when I was 36, I have a colleague who recently joined it at 71... the earlier the longer you will belong to the club, but always sad

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  13. My father died of a massive heart attack. It was so hard to listen to friends at a dinner discuss heart attacks. It's a disquieting club to belong to.

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    ReplyDelete

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