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Monday, September 23, 2013

We All Have Our Demons

You’ve been here before. This is where you first spotted the girl with the pierced lip. See that gnarled tree? You snagged your T-shirt as you watched her from behind its massive trunk.

You don’t remember her name; you think it started with a B. Keeping them straight is getting harder. Was she the newlywed? The nurse? Neither. She was the student whose hair smelled like apples. Before police called off the search, you caught her distraught—but still hopeful—parents on the evening news. Her mom called her a fighter. You could certainly attest to that. You wore long sleeves for three weeks that summer to hide the nicks she’d clawed into your arms. You retaliated by tearing her soft belly with your teeth. The metallic taste of her blood surprised you.

Remember the waitress? When you read she had an identical twin, you considered taking her too. You couldn’t stop fantasizing about essentially having the same girl twice. Wouldn’t it have been a kick to see that perfect face again—all full of color, without the bulging eyes and purple bite mark marring her cheek? You knew it was too risky, though.

But now you’re getting sloppy. Returning to a previous post is dangerous. Maybe someone saw you hanging around that day but didn’t think anything of it. Surely a second time would raise alarm.

You didn’t choose to be this way, just like you didn’t choose how tall you’d be. You only wish to satiate yourself. But they never simply let you do what you need to do.

Sheila had been fine with a little kink … until that night you pulled the scarf too tightly around her neck. Her striking you in desperation turned you on even more. She called you an animal, a sadist. Wouldn’t let you touch her for weeks afterward. Giving her the ring placated her.

As you’re leaving, you notice a leggy blonde pushing a stroller. You can already imagine fresh bruises on her fair skin.
#
This week's Trifecta Writing Challenge: The entry must be 33-333 words and include the word "animal" as defined below:

ANIMAL
a human being considered chiefly as physical or nonrational; also : this nature


Word count: 333
               

54 comments:

  1. Chilling end, Ivy. As always great piece of writing.

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  2. Well done. Inside the mind of a killer, a dark place indeed.

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    1. Thank you. I must admit going to this dark place was kinda fun. :)

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  3. oh Ivy, it's the perfect use of the word. Chilling and scary. I often wonder how often each one of us is being watched or chosen and how often we escape without even knowing how close we were to evil.

    you know I watch a lot of Law & Order and your story reminds me that whatever we can dream up , is happening, "ripped from the headlines" sooner or later.

    stay safe today...and I will too.
    XO

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    1. I love Law & Order. I'm an Investigation Discovery junkie, too. I often think about what evil lurks around. Scary stuff.

      I'm glad you liked this dark tale.

      Keep an eye out for weirdos. I want you around so you can keep writing your awesome stories!

      XOXO

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  4. Wow, twisted... I like it. Nicely done.

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  5. Creepy. The scary part is that we share the world with these types every day!

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    1. Yes, and they don't always look like the monsters they are.

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  6. Nice window into the soul of creepiness. Enjoyed it!

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    1. Thanks, Julianne. Glad you enjoyed it. :)

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  7. Ohh this could be a piece of a bigger story... Love that you wrote it in second person.

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    1. Thanks, Bjorn! It would be fun to turn this into a longer story. Hmmm...

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  8. Violence is the only thing that makes sense.

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  9. Creepy creepy, but it's wonderful to read. I have a thousand and one back stories running through my head!

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  10. What a creepy look into a killer's mind. The 'giving her the ring placated her' gave me a chill.

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    1. Thanks, Janna. That's one of the creepiest parts to me too: the thought of unknowingly being in a relationship with a monster.

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  11. This is great, Ivy. Has the same sort of you-know-you-shouldn't seductiveness as Dexter.
    And Sheila, wow, so he's a couple... *shiver*

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    1. Thank you, Kymm! I love that this reminded you of Dexter. I kind of had him in the back of my mind when I wrote this.

      Yeah, I think Sheila's in for a rude awakening.

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  12. Very good analysis of a violent mind set.

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  13. A werewolf story without the literal transformation. Love it.

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    1. Werewolf? Hmmm ... wasn't in my mind when I wrote it. But I can sorta see that. Thanks for the kind words, Draug.

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  14. Dark and sinister...I also liked the use of the second person perspective.

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  15. Yikes... great job in sketching out the mind of that animal. Second person works well...

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  16. Yes, very chilling. This was an excellent description of an animal.

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  17. Wow, I hope I sleep well tonight! Nice writing.

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    1. Haha! I hope you slept OK. Thanks for the wonderful words! :)

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  18. Evil incarnate-glad we cannot look into the cesspool of such minds-no wonder they are such animals-even animals are better-at least they have a reason!And Ivy what a horribly ,chilling,mind shattering tale you wove-I was on tenterhooks -and that ending-oh,oh...

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    1. Thank you for the lovely comment, Atreyee! I'm so glad the story worked for you.

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  19. Holy cow, this is terrifying. And very well written. It's hard, in my opinion, to make the 2nd person POV not sound awkward or contrived, but you did a great job with it.

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    1. This made my day. I've always felt the same about 2nd person but I wanted to try it after reading a couple good examples here recently. I was hoping the POV would add to the creep factor. So glad to know you felt it worked. Thank you so much!

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  20. Creepy, creepy, creepy. I want to shake off that creepy feeling right now, literally. That means you did a good job. :) Great voice and POV.

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    1. Awww. Thanks, Margit! I love knowing my story impacted you so strongly. Now stay inside and lock your doors, OK? :)

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  21. Wow, Ivy. That's a tough read! Great job with the prompt word. Your writing is really top notch. Thanks for linking up. Don't forget to vote.

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    1. Wow! What a great comment to read first thing this morning. Thank you so much! I love these challenges and don't know how I ever lived without them. I'm thrilled to belong to such a fantastic community of amazing writers.

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  22. A very piece! Nice touch.. I enjoyed reading this. I has taken me to a different place!

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  23. That's great to hear. Thank you!

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  24. Beautifully crafted. I was hooked at the first sentence! Congratulations on a well-deserved win!

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    1. Susan, thank you for such kind words. :)

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  25. I've been away from Trifecta, and from blogging for that matter, and from writing or effort also, but this is so good that I had to add my comment also. Very creepy, very well done.

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    1. Thank you for the lovely comment!

      I've only been doing trifecta since May, but I LOVE it. Hopefully you'll end your writing break soon. I'd really like to read some of your work. :)

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  26. Ha! I remember reading this, and not commenting as I thought it was too real - poor women!!! I know, terrible decision of mine before, but rectified now..

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You're so sexy when you comment on my blog.