Show Me Some Love!

Psst! If you enjoy my blog, please click the flashing link above to vote for me as a top mommy blogger. No strings attached. Just one little click = a vote. Thank you mucho!

Friday, September 20, 2013

May 8, 2009

This weekend's Trifextra challenge: Write a 33-word time travel story.


The time-pod closed amid the yelling. Suggestions. Pleas. Demands. Hubs mouthed, “Go make a difference.”
*
I snatch the unsigned release papers from the doctor.
“Check Daddy’s lungs for blood clots. You’ll find several.”

#

I'm sure there will be many lovely, unselfish stories this weekend about saving world leaders, or a hero with an unfulfilled destiny. Who wouldn't prevent a mass tragedy like September 11, 2001, if they could go back in time? But--if I'm to be completely honest--I would prevent my own personal tragedy: my father's unexpected death.

Daddy had prostate cancer. The surgery had been a success; they removed all traces of the cancer. We breathed a collective sigh of relief. Our family's center, our rock, would be OK.

Three days after he was released from the hospital, my dad was struggling to breath. There were multiple blood clots in his lungs. Daddy was rushed back to the hospital, but they couldn't save him. He was only 69.

I'm the one who talked him into having the surgery vs. a drug treatment plan. Some day I might forgive myself.

44 comments:

  1. Your back story completely overwhelms the 33 words for me. I for one appreciate the bravery in opening up such a private part of your life to the Trifecta community. Not everybody would do that. You can't blame yourself. That's not fair. All the best Ivy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hadn't planned to write anything other than my 33. I've never written the story of my father's death, but it kinda just flowed out of me.

      Thank you for the kind words.

      Delete
  2. Your story brought tears to my eyes. Please, please don't torture yourself with 'what ifs'- you had no way to know.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Janna. I know playing the "what-if" game is dangerous, but I can't help but wonder how things may have turned out if he'd chosen the other path.

      Delete
  3. Oh Ivy, oh my friend.
    I am so sorry...because I lost my dad to a surprise heart attack/blood clot at age 52. My heart hurts with yours. Please don't look back, your dad doesn't blame you sweet girl.

    XO

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, Kir! Thank you for sharing your story. I am so, so sorry for your loss. Your dad was far too young. I don't know if the shock of losing someone suddenly ever goes away. But, I hope warm, wonderful memories of your father comfort you.

      Thank you for the beautiful words. Your support means so much.

      Delete
  4. This kind of love is never selfish, we all would save the ones that we love, that's why love is so precious a gift. I echo Kir's wonderful words. He doesn't blame you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much, Jennifer. When I saw the prompt, I went right to saving my dad. I know he doesn't blame me, and he wouldn't want me to blame myself. Hopefully, I'll get to that point some day.

      Delete
  5. Gulp. These 33 words pack so much in, from the journey and advice to the difference you decide to make. Thank you for opening your heart on the page - never easy, but this shines. Love does make the world go round and your dad has all your love with him still, don't worry.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I really hadn't intended to be quite so open. I guess I needed to get it out. I had a brief moment of "WTF did I just do?" But the support from this community has overwhelmed and humbled me. I'm glad I went there.

      Thank you so much!

      Delete
  6. If I could take a trip back to the past, I'd totally turn some heart-breaking family losses into happiness. Your story is sad...an ehug for you today. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for the ehug, Shawn. Saving my dad was my first impulse. I'd go back and do something more humanitarian on my next trip. :)

      Delete
  7. Wow, so much with so little. You really brought out the emotion.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you. The emotion kind of brought itself out. It was as if my fingers had a mind of their own.

      Delete
  8. Forgive, forgive!!! You can't hold yourself responsible for that. :-/ Oh my gosh. Yes, I can see why you would go back to that day. Hugs.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you. Yes, I would love to change that day and keep them from sending my dad home. :(

      Delete
  9. An arrow straight through the heart. You cannot change destiny..forgive yourself.

    ReplyDelete
  10. This is so heart breaking. I can relate to the pain of losing family and I also know how it feels to carry guilt within everyday. Nobody can predict life or death. I'm so touched. Hugs to you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm sorry you can relate to this, but glad my story touched you. Thanks for the lovely comment and the hugs.

      Delete
  11. First of all, I'm so sorry for your loss, and that you feel a need to forgive yourself at all. Whatifs are a no win-no win.
    Oddly enough, I couldn't even fantasize about going to change the outcome (my husband died of pancreatic cancer at 36) but I was tempted by the idea of going back to the feelings I had before I knew he was dying - that kind of hopeful innocence that is now long and forever gone.
    Losing your Dad was hard enough. Please please please dump the guilt that has no business in your heart <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kymm, your comment brought me to tears. Your piece this weekend was so tender and poignant. Thank you for sharing the story behind it. I am so incredibly sorry for the loss of your husband. I can't imagine. I can, however, relate to wanting to get back that innocence and hope. Sometimes when I see a date on paper, I immediately think, "my dad was alive then" and it takes me back to how wonderful things were then for my mom, for me, for my kids.

      I know it's not logical to think I was responsible for my father's death. In time, my heart might catch up with my brain.

      Thank you so very much for opening up here and for the support. Your words mean more than I can express.

      Delete
    2. Yup, the trick is remembering the good stuff.
      And thank you for sharing - your words bring out responses, and the circle of writing tightens in a hug.

      Delete
    3. "The circle of writing tightens in a hug."

      OMG! I love this. Thank you for the wonderful comments, Kymm.

      Delete
  12. You make decisions based on what you knew at the time. Sometimes you are right, sometimes you are wrong.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And you are very right. I just would love an opportunity to go back armed with what I know now. It's a beautiful fantasy.

      Thank you for reading and taking the time to comment.

      Delete
  13. That was so honest and brave to bring out the words you shudder to say. The post was so meaningful and human. I pray that you are able to let go of the guilt which is not your burden at all. How could you blame yourself when so many qualified and experienced medical personnel were present? How could you have known what they could not detect? May you find peace.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Sini. The support I'm getting from the Trifecta community, including your beautiful comment, has touched me deeply.

      I sometimes ask myself if I did enough research on the complications, the risks. It's not rational to blame myself, but it's my truth for now.

      Delete
  14. Life is defined by moments they say. I believe, in almost all of them, we do the best we can given the situation we are in. I would beat the shit out of myself too. I would. I would probably run over the conversations and the decisions and 9.5 times out of 10 convince myself that I was to blame. I hope, that as time passes, the guilt you feel eases. I don't know you so I don't want to seem presumptuous but I'm sure that you did the very best you could, with the situation you were in and the love you had in your heart. And that matters. It means something. Remember the love - I bet he does wherever he is and knows that you did your very best...and had his best health and interest at heart.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for this. You reminded me that I'm human. We tend to blame ourselves for things out of our control, which is pretty egotistical, I suppose.

      The one thing that gives me peace is that, even though he died suddenly, we left nothing unsaid. He knew how we felt about him and we knew how he felt about us.

      Thanks again for the heartfelt support.

      Delete
  15. This is such a powerful statement, Ivy. I'm so sorry you lost your father, and I'm sorry you blame yourself, though I agree with the others that blame is undeserved. I think you nailed it though, when you said that you left nothing unsaid. That in itself is worth so much.

    Thank you for sharing this piece of yourself with us.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Suzanne. I do take great comfort in having no regrets. We had a wonderful relationship, which makes me miss him all the more, but I have such amazing memories.

      Delete
  16. Very personal... very touching... don't really know what I can say to console..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have been on the other side plenty of times. It is hard to know what to say. But I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment. Thank you, Bjorn.

      Delete
  17. I beat myself up over my mother's death. Not that I could have done anything about it, but she died relatively young, and that brings on so many regrets of time misspent. It's tough. But they were well-loved and that's what matters. Beautiful tribute..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm sorry you lost your mom and that you beat yourself up over it. Your piece about it was so lovely and full of emotion. It really touched my heart.

      Yes, the love we gave and received is what counts. Thanks for reminding me of that.

      Delete
  18. This brought tears to my eyes. I lost my day 1 1/2 years ago to cancer. Thanks for sharing your story.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am so sorry you lost your dad, and that my piece made you cry. It sucks to be able to relate to something like this. I hope your memories of your father provide you some comfort.

      I really appreciate your comment and that you shared your personal story. God bless!

      Delete
  19. This made me cry, Ivy. I'm so sorry that you lost your father too soon, and too suddenly. Hugs, my friend:) xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for reading and for caring. I had second thoughts about opening myself up so completely, but I am truly touched by the support and sympathy from the community.

      Thank you, my friend!

      Delete
  20. I am so sorry for your loss. Like the others have said, please put aside your guilt.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Tara. I will try. Hopefully with time ...

      Delete
  21. Other than........... I have so much respect and love for you.... I dont have words. xoxo Kelly

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, dearest. Love you right back!

      Delete

You're so sexy when you comment on my blog.