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Monday, July 29, 2013

Blindsided

Last night after dinner, we sat on the back porch eating ice cream. Chemically sweet-smelling flames rose from the citronella candles on the patio table, keeping the bloodsuckers at bay. It had been raining nonstop for days. Our dogs celebrated the clear weather by tussling over soggy chew toys in the too-tall grass.

“Honey,” Hubs began. “We want to talk to you about something.”

I looked at him quizzically, and then studied my children’s faces. The three of them stared back at me with silent resolve. What had prompted them to band together against me? My mind scanned for possible issues.

Maybe I haven’t done so great keeping up with the laundry, but I bought everyone extra undies so they won’t run out. Besides, don’t YOUR arms work?

True, a thin layer of dust blankets every surface in every room, but I’ve been writing a novel. So, now you don’t want me to pursue my dream?

I’ll admit that meals lately have skewed toward quick and easy rather than wholesome and healthy, but it’s still food, isn’t it? It’s not like you’re going hungry.

“Mom, you have a problem.” Son’s voice was soft yet firm.

“What is this?” I huffed incredulously. “An intervention?”

“Yes,” they replied practically in unison.

Last weekend when I was out of town, Hubs found my stash tucked away in the guestroom closet. Then the kids told him about the guy who brings my stuff. People come to our door so often I honestly didn’t think they noticed.

“You’re always telling us to make good choices,” Daughter scolded. “You need to take your own advice, Mom.”

It has gotten worse since I quit working, but I was shocked that my family knew how out of control I’ve become. I guess I can’t wave it off as a casual habit any longer.

“This has to stop. So I’ve changed your password.” Hubs, usually so laidback, was standing his ground. “You won’t be ordering anything else from Amazon.com for a while.”

#

This week's Trifecta writing challenge: The entry must be 33-333 words and include the word "band," as defined below:

BAND

to gather together: unite <banded themselves together for protection>

Word count: 333

38 comments:

  1. Oh, I had a suspicion and was right! lol Enjoyed.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks! I hope this doesn't give Hubs any ideas, because there is a lot of truth to this. Lol!

      Delete
  2. Are you me? This could very well be me. It's my true addiction, those smiling boxes! Way to set us up, ivy!!! Fun story! Made me smile and I like that a lot!!!

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    Replies
    1. If loving amazon is wrong, I don't wanna be right. Love those smiling boxes.

      Your kind words made ME smile. :) Thank you!

      Delete
  3. I have heard that you can put links to amazon on your blog, and if people click, and buy, that you get a commission.

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    Replies
    1. ...which I would probably spend at amazon.com

      Delete
  4. "Every time someone reads my blog and doesn't leave a comment, a kitten dies."

    So much for working at the Humane Society.

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    Replies
    1. Fortunately, that's not a goal of mine. The good news is you saved two kittens. ;)

      Delete
  5. I may be facing the same intervention, Ivy. I have two packages, two orders, from Amazon coming in on Wednesday. The one last week was for me, but in my defense, these last two were for home repair and a calculator for my son. Do you think that will fly? :)

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    1. Haha! I see an intervention in your future. The best advice I can give is: DENY, DENY DENY!

      :)

      Delete
  6. This is hilarious and totally is my life. The only intervention for Amazon is Zappos and Zuilly :)

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  7. Are you on Twitter? You have funny stuff! I am @WoofTweetWaah -- I tweeted a link to this awesome piece of yours. Have a good day.

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    1. Thank you for tweeting this! I'm so glad you enjoyed it. I'm following you now. I am @ivymagner

      Delete
  8. as if CHANGING THE PASSWORD is enough? Wow, they are simple folks aren't they??? ;)

    loved this Ivy, it was funny and the descriptions were great.

    thanks for linking up this week!

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    1. Psst: They don't know about my secret account. ;)

      Thanks for reading. So glad you enjoyed it!

      Delete
  9. HA! Love it! And Amazon has great sh*t. How can you resist?

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    1. I can't. I really can't. :) Thanks for reading!

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  10. Great the way you sucked us in. I actually thought it was chocolate or macademia nuts (my own personal vice), but never would have guessed Amazon. Fun read and very real life.

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    1. Thanks, lumdog! :) This is based on a true story; it just hasn't gotten to the intervention stage yet.

      P.S. I would never, ever joke about being denied chocolate. Some things are sacred. ;)

      Delete
  11. I cut myself off Prime for this very reason. I loved the defensive thoughts, especially: So, now you don’t want me to pursue my dream? I think I may of being guilty of actually saying this in a huff.

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    1. You have better willpower than I do. I don't think I can live without Prime.

      Thanks for the kind words! :)

      Delete
  12. Oh, man. That Amazon addiction is the toughest one to break! That may be the cure... Unless you have another email address. New account, new Amazon Prime account. Woot, woooot! Husband failed!
    Very funny. Thanks for sharing this.

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    Replies
    1. I have backup accounts. Shhh!

      Thanks for reading. Glad you enjoyed it! :)

      Delete
  13. Extra undies... lol Maybe I should try that.
    I'm typing from under the pile of books that is toppling dangerously to the ri

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    Replies
    1. The extra undies thing really buys you some time. Try it! :)

      Thanks for reading!

      Delete
  14. Ivy, Ivy, Ivy! You've written my story too! If heaven could be described in a word-it would have to be Amazon;)

    I. Loved. This.

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    1. I think we need to form a group. We can call it Amazon Shopping Sisters (A.S.S. for short). :)

      Thanks for reading!

      Delete
  15. Someone needs to stage an intervention and take my password away too. Clickety, clickety, click--those purchase add up so quickly!

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    Replies
    1. Clickety, clickety, click

      LOVE that sound! I figure if they're nice enough to recommend products I might like, the least I can do is buy them. :)

      Delete

You're so sexy when you comment on my blog.