Habits of the Suburban Super Mother

The suburban super mother (mama suburbia superior), also known as PTA president, soccer mom, or neighborhood busybody, is a female homosapien native to the Americas.

An excellent stalk-and-ambush predator, the suburban super mother pursues a wide variety of prey. Primary food sources include neighbors with ugly lawns and non-volunteering parents, as well as attractive, single women--particularly those inhabiting the same subdivision.

Suburban super mothers are slender and agile, typically weighing 95-110 lbs. Although suburban super mothers closely resemble average suburban mothers, they are smaller but with more silicone in their breasts. They also are more powerfully built due to an affinity for Bikram yoga and Insanity workouts.

The forehead of the suburban super mother is smooth and immovable. Another common characteristic is two faces. The suburban super mother has five non-retractable, well-manicured claws on each forepaw and six-inch heels on its hind paws. Its thin, muscular legs are best adapted for 5K races and social climbing.

Except for its synthetic mane, sculpted eyebrows and lash extensions, the suburban super mother is virtually hairless. Skin coloring ranges from tan to orange, but varies greatly between individuals.

Suburban super mothers sometimes voice low-pitched hisses, growls and purrs. They are also known to scream.

French perfume and thong panties are used to attract mates. Suburban super mothers can be monogamous; this is less likely when attractive, male personal trainers enter their territory. At any rate, copulation is brief and infrequent. Chronic stress and budgets can result in low reproductive rates.

Suburban super mothers typically average one-to-two litters throughout their reproductive lives. They are fiercely protective of their offspring. Cubs are completely dependent on their mother at first, and begin to be weaned at around 30 years of age.

Suburban super mothers are pack animals. When encountering mothers outside of their pack, they may fly into a violent rage until the other party backs down.

McMansions in gated communities offering status and ample walk-in closets are the suburban super mother's preferred habitat.

Photo borrowed from deviantart.com

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trifecta weekly writing challenge: The entry must be 33-333 words and include the word "fly," as defined below:

FLY
a. to move, pass, or spread quickly <rumors were flying>

b. to be moved with sudden extreme emotion <flew into a rage>

c. to seem to pass quickly <the time simply flew>

Word count: 333