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Last Resort
She tossed the doomed ring into the fountain. If coins earned wishes, surely a platinum band would bring him back. She’d reached the last-resort stage, pinning all her hopes on murky water.
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This weekend's Trifextra challenge. Write a 33-word piece including these three words:
ring
water
stage
I wrote this in roughly three minutes--some real stream of consciousness stuff going on here. Now I see about 57 ways I'd revise it, different words I'd use, etc. But I already linked up, so I'm sticking with it. Meh.
"If coins earned wishes..surely a platinum band would bring him back"..that is some good writing right there. :)
ReplyDeleteTGIF.
Thank you so much!
DeleteI really like this. It was a very clever use of the 3 impossible words they threw at us this week. Good job!
ReplyDeletebest,
MOV
P.S. Hey Ivy, get rid of tedious word verification! my friend Stephanie at Clay Baboons tells you how here:
http://www.claybaboons.com/2012/03/internet-thinks-im-robot.html
Thanks, MOV!
DeleteI had no idea my blog was requiring commenters to prove their humanness. I freaking hate that captcha crap. I changed my settings. So. thanks for that, too! :)
Sometimes murky water can hide treasures.
ReplyDeleteGreat use of the three words!
Thanks, Draug!
DeleteHanging her hopes on mysticism certainly proves she is at an end.
ReplyDeleteYes, she's truly gone off the deep end. (No pun intended.) :) Thanks for reading!
DeleteI love the line "pinning all her hopes on murky water." Great take on the prompt!
ReplyDeleteThank you! :)
DeleteWould it were! Great job.
ReplyDeleteThanks much!
Deletenice use of the trio ! :) "pinning all her hopes on murky water"
ReplyDeleteThank you, Shreya!
DeleteI'm impressed - you wrote it in such a short amount of time and the sentences are great (love the platinum band sentence.) I spent 40 minutes on mine trying to get rid of the three extra words I kept ending up with :)
ReplyDeleteThank you for the kind words, Janna! This was not typical for me. For some reason this theme immediately popped in my head and just spilled out. That NEVER happens.
DeleteI don't know what those three extra words were, but they weren't missed. I loved your piece! :)
Sorrowful, yet hopeful. Since platinum is so rare, maybe it would bring him back? Loved the tone of this!
ReplyDeleteThank you! I'm so glad you enjoyed it. :)
DeleteGreat job! You said so much in such few words. Wow, really great!
ReplyDeleteThank you! I was kinda doubting this because I wrote it so quickly. Feedback like yours makes me feel so much better about it. :)
DeleteGreat work... a complete story in such few words.
ReplyDeleteThank you!
DeleteI love the image of the murky water-what a great metaphor for the uncertainty of a broken romance!
ReplyDeleteAnd I had to smile in agreement over what you said about publishing a post and then seeing ways you'd change it. It seems my inner editor truly only shines when I've put a piece of writing on display for the whole world to read:)
I am THRILLED you got the murky water/bad relationship metaphor! That was one thing that bothered me after I posted. I wasn't sure it would come across to readers. So, thank you for letting me know you picked up on that!
DeleteAs far as editing ourselves after the fact: I guess it's good that we look for ways to improve our work, but it sure is a pain-in-the-ass habit, isn't it? :)
What a great tiny complete story :)
ReplyDeleteThanks, Yve! :)
Delete:) made me smile . . . and also remember the theme of my junior prom (a hundred years ago) 3 Coins in a Fountain :)
ReplyDeleteGlad it gave you a smile and a little trip down memory lane. :)
DeleteI enjoyed reading this. I think we all look back at our own writing and find ways we could have revised it. This is great the way it is.
ReplyDeleteAwww! Thanks, Donetta. :)
DeleteIt is good as it is.
ReplyDeleteThank you for saying so. :)
DeleteI love your work exactly the way it is. :)
ReplyDeleteThank you for the kind words, Rois! :)
DeleteI like your story. Great use of the prompts. Nicely done!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much!
DeleteI liked the imagery here, I could easily see her tossing the ring in the fountain.
ReplyDeleteGlad to hear it. Thanks!
DeleteClever use of the words and the sentiment is perfect. I've felt that way before.
ReplyDeleteThank you, lumdog! I bet everyone has felt like this at least once, and often over someone not worth the trouble. Thanks for reading!
DeleteI worked at a mall once. The fountain drainage got clogged, and it flooded. It was a mess.
ReplyDeleteA mall with an indoor pool? Sweet! ;)
DeleteI'd wait about 5 minutes and if the wish didn't come true, I'd wade in and get it. (Well done Ivy)
ReplyDeleteHaha! Me too. It's platinum for Pete's sake!
DeleteThanks for reading and for the laugh. :)
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeletelike the murky-water.
ReplyDeleteThanks! :)
DeleteIs it wrong that I might not be sure if I preferred him or the platinum? Loved it! Thanks for linking up! ~Mary Beth
ReplyDeleteNot wrong at all. She's probably better off with the precious metal. :) Thank you!
DeleteA good use of the three words. Liked the idea of the murky water.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much!
DeleteEnjoyed this. I like your use of the words in a neatly tied together package.
ReplyDeletehttp://debbiesdays.wordpress.com
Thank you, Debra!
DeleteI happen to like it as is, especially the murky water. :-) Thanks for linking up.
ReplyDeleteThank you! I appreciate the kind words. :)
DeleteVery good! I could feel her desperation.
ReplyDeleteThank you! I'm glad to know her desperation comes through.
DeleteYou wrote this in three minutes? Impressive!
ReplyDeleteThank you. :) This was strange for me. My writing process doesn't usually go that smoothly. I can spend three minutes just writing a short text. Lol!
Delete