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Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Georgia Revisited

Macie Fremont Timeline
Sept. 19, '88  -  Macie Fremont, 6, disappears
Sept. 20              -  Macie’s body is found in a field behind Westlake Primary School
Sept. 28              -  Acting on an anonymous tip, police question Georgia Williams, a seventh grader at Westlake Middle; Georgia confesses


She’d lured Macie into the thick brush with the promise of a cupcake. Georgia pushed and kicked the small girl. When she started crying, Georgia punched her in the mouth. She hit Macie on the head repeatedly with a large rock until she fell silent. Afterward, with a stick, she carved an X into Macie’s cheek like some crude brand.

"Why?" The detective asked.

“I wanted to see what dying looks like,” the 12-year-old replied.

Georgia Williams served 14 years before being paroled at 26, changing her name and fleeing Tennessee.

It's taken me almost two years to track her down. The pretty woman in her late 30s bears little resemblance to the pudgy-faced blonde of her youth. Her dark hair falls in a neat bob. Her eyes are warm, not vacant like in the arrest photos.

“Georgia?”

She doesn’t flinch. She’s well-rehearsed.

“You have the wrong house.” She smiles politely through the narrowing doorway space. I gently catch the door.

“I’m not planning to expose you,” I assure her. “I just want an update for my crime blog. I won’t reveal your new name or location.”

“Sweetie, you have ...” Her drawl betrays her.

I hold up a photo of Macie’s battered corpse. Georgia breaks down, allows me inside.

“Please let me be,” she whispers. “I have a new life here.”

“Shut up,” I hiss, pulling out my handgun. Georgia freezes.

“My parents never recovered,” I begin.

“Who are you?”

“I was born after you murdered Macie. The ‘replacement baby.’ But Mom was too depressed. So, I got shipped to Grandma’s. Did you know my dad killed himself?”

“I'm sorry,” Georgia wails. “Please don’t!

“I heard you wanted to see what dying looks like.”

 I close my lips around the barrel.


#

This week's Trifecta Writing Challenge: The entry must be 33-333 words and include the word "brand" as defined below:

BRAND
3a (1) : a mark made by burning with a hot iron to attest manufacture or quality or to designate  ownership 
     (2) : a printed mark made for similar purposes : trademark
  b (1) : a mark put on criminals with a hot iron 

     (2) : a mark of disgrace : stigma <the brand of poverty>

Word count: 333

38 comments:

  1. I wasn't expecting that last line!

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  2. Oh yes, you shocked!!!

    I even heard the bang in my head, before the last sentence and when you changed it around. OH WOW!!!

    Great 33!!!

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    1. It's always nice to hear the surprise ending is, indeed, a surprise. :) Thanks for the feedback.

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  3. Can't go wrong with some brains on the wallpaper. Nice ending.

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  4. Mind blown, no pun intended. Perfect set-up and a great read!

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    1. Awesome! Thanks for the great feedback. :)

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  5. A great pace all the way through, capped off by a fabulous ending.

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    1. I really appreciate your comment. Thank you!

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  6. "Replacement baby" literally in this case! Nicely done!

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  7. Wow, what a shocker! I expected Georgia to be the one to go, but maybe her living with what she's seen would be a greater punishment.

    I really like how you give us the background and pertinent info in the timeline at the beginning of the story. So unique!

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    1. I figure the narrator's death will out Georgia. She'll have to explain why this woman killed herself in Georgia's home.

      The timeline thing was a last-ditch effort to stay within the word limit. ;)

      Thanks for always taking the time to leave such thoughtful comments!

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  8. You surprised me. Thank you. I would not want to kill a kitten, but then, they are dying all the time, what's one more?

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    1. Thanks! And very true about kittens dying all the time, but at least you can sleep well tonight knowing you didn't kill one. :)

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  9. I had to read the last line 3 times, surprise ending. WOW! Nicely done!

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  10. I hate predictable stories...I LOVE this. Good work!

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    1. Thank you! I'm happy you enjoyed it. :)

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  11. Wow...that was a gut punch. This is tight writing with the whole story packed in. Good job.

    http://debbiesdays.wordpress.com

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    1. Thanks! I really appreciate your kind words.

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  12. Um, I gotta agree with otherthanlovie's comment. Wow. Very tight, fast, took me by surprise. Well done.

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    1. :) Thank you for the awesome compliment!

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  13. I think that ending gave me whiplash. Awesome work. Thank you for linking up!

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    1. I love hearing that! I really had to play around with this to stay within the word limit. I'm thrilled to know the piece didn't lose its impact despite all my fiddling. :)

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  14. That ended her (or his?) narration. Great twist. No one saw that coming. Love the term 'replacement baby.' Nice work.

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    1. Yeah, she didn't have too much to say after that. :)

      'Replacement baby' just seemed like something the bitter narrator might say. I Googled it out of curiosity. It's an actual term/phenomenon. Who knew?

      Thanks for the great comment!

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  15. Oh, wow! What a story you've weaved in very few words. Years of pain and suffering are packed in, and then released. Very well done!

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    1. I was hoping the scope of the family's suffering would be evident, making her final act more understandable. Thank you for the awesome feedback!

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  16. Well done, Ivy! Revenge takes many forms, and some of them aren't very pretty! I was on the edge of my seat with this story!!!

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    1. Exactly! I imagine she had such a sad life in the shadow of her dead sister. She knew she wanted to kill herself, and she figured she'd do it in front of the person she blames for her miserable life. Now Georgia is left to clean up the mess.

      Thanks so much for the wonderful comment!

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  17. Very intense, and the twist was stunning!

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