Her teacher wanted me to write a million words or less about Daughter. I put my usual smartass spin on it, of course.
Dear Ms. Teacher:
I must admit I was quite annoyed to learn I have homework. I mean, I completed sixth grade decades ago (never mind how many). I understand you want me to tell you about Daughter, but it would take me hours, weeks—years—to properly explain everything that makes her so uniquely fantastic. I am a very busy mother of five (two kids and three dogs), so I really don’t have the time for this assignment.
Sure, I could tell you how gutsy Daughter is. I mean, she goes on acting auditions and performs in front of complete strangers. And she went away to summer camp for the first time this year and wasn’t the least bit afraid. (She even received the All-Star Camper award for being the only girl to try all the activities—rock climbing, zip lining, paintball, etc.) I could go on and on about her bravery, but I really don’t have the time.
If I weren’t so swamped, I’d tell you what a hilarious kid Daughter is; how she makes me laugh daily. I’d probably tell you how her silly faces and goofy dance moves crack people up. Maybe you could ask her friends for more details. I’m sure they’d be happy to tell you about Daughter’s great sense of humor since I really don’t have the time.
You’re her teacher, so you’ll see for yourself how intelligent she is. You’ll find out that Daughter works hard in class and is eager to understand new things. No, you won’t need me to tell you that, which is good because I really don’t have the time.
If I didn’t have a million things to do, I’d give it to you straight. I wouldn’t just tell you the good stuff. I’d tell you Daughter is a perfectionist (it’s genetic on the ... ahem ... maternal side) and sometimes she gets frustrated when she can’t do something as well as she’d like. Oh, and I’d definitely tell you Daughter isn't fond of being wrong (another maternal trait handed down). But, as I may have mentioned previously, I really don’t have the time.
I suppose I could give you 10 random facts about Daughter. I can at least do that. I wish I could elaborate on these, but I really don’t have the time.
- She has mad rap skills
- She loves creamed corn
- Her favorite color is green
- All her favorite animals are black and white (zebra, panda and penguin)
- She loves the ‘80s (music, fashion, movies, TV shows, etc.)
- She makes duct tape purses, wallets and flower pens
- She wakes up 30 minutes early to snuggle with me every morning before school
- She is taking guitar lessons with her dad
- She has been acting and modeling since she was 4
- She’s my favorite girl in the world