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Monday, August 12, 2013

The Only Love Story You'll Ever Read with the Word "Excrement" in It

Once upon a time there was a giant named D. He lived in the kingdom of Iowa. The kingdom was divided into two areas: Farmland and Everywhere Else. D lived in Farmland where stars shine brightly, corn stalks scrape the sky, and the air smells of pig excrement.

The giant often fantasized about what lie beyond Farmland's gravel roads. 

"Son, you must never enter Everywhere Else," his father cautioned. "The air is full of smoke and the people eat frozen vegetables."

Still, D felt destined for the land of mega-malls and mini-marts. He knew his father could never grasp this yearning. So one night D packed his chewing tobacco and snuck away to Everywhere Else. 

Life in Everywhere Else was certainly different. D would go entire days without ever encountering an animal. The people were the biggest surprise. They weren't just white; they were black and brown, too!

D the giant was lonely. He decided to seek the heart of a fair maiden. He considered the friendly lass who often stood on the corner, but he wasn't absolutely sure she was indeed female. He had almost given up on love when he met I.

D regaled I with stories of cow inseminations. I captivated D with tales of buying milk from a store. D was besotted. He didn't care that she couldn't tell a tractor from a combine. But what would his father think of the short, black maiden from Everywhere Else?

D brought I to meet his father. The people of Farmland were somewhat taken aback that she didn't own a single pair of cowboy boots. But they quickly accepted I, and D's father gave them his blessing.

D and I married and had two beautiful children, one of them a giant like his father. They moved to the kingdom of South Carolina, where they speak a strange new language, y'all, and consume mass quantities of a mystical potion called sweet tea.
And they all lived happily ever after

#

This week's Trifecta writing challenge: The entry must be 33-333 words and include the word "grasp" as defined below:

GRASP

to lay hold of with the mind : comprehend


Word count: 333

36 comments:

  1. Another Great one Ivy!!!! :D

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  2. This was so much fun and made me miss Iowa, thanks for posting.

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    1. Thank you so much! We just came back from a 10-day visit to Iowa. I guess it's still on my mind. :)

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  3. Hey now frozen vegetables are awesome.
    What a lovely fairy tale, with a true happy ending.

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    1. I'm a frozen veggie devotee myself. :)

      Thanks for the kind words, Draug!

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  4. This was a cute story, very well told!

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  5. Very nice way of telling us about your own story!

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  6. A wonderful, fanciful fairytale... or is it?

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    1. Good question. ;) Thanks for the kind words!

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  7. This is so sweet! I love that you told your own story (I think) in the form of a fairy tale. I have to say, this is the first love story I've read that mentioned 'cow insemination' :)

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    1. Haha! Thank you, Janna. It's certainly not your typical romantic tale. They'll probably leave the cow insemination out of the movie version. :)

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  8. FROZEN VEGETABLES!?! Say it ain't so! This definitely got a chuckle out of me. Sounds like a lovely love story, excrement and all. Thanks for linking up. Don't forget to come back and vote.

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    1. Thank you so much! Glad you enjoyed it. :)

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  9. *hahaha* This is adorable! I loved the bit about "the air is full of smoke and the people eat frozen vegetables." And the last sentence was the perfect ending, unless you wanted to add, "And they lived happily ever after." :)

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    1. Thank you! I really appreciate the comment.

      P.S. I cheated and used the "happily ever after" as the photo caption so I wouldn't go over the word limit. ;)

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    1. Yes, they did. :) Thanks for reading!

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  11. Oh I loved this fairy tale come true. It captured my imagination from the start. I could see this as a lovely children's novel.

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    1. Glynis, your comment made my day. Thanks so much! :)

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  12. Cute story! I am from Everywhere Else myself.

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  13. Aw, this is fabulous! I particularly love the bit about being regaled by stories of cow inseminations. :D

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  14. Love has a way of bridging gaps between hearts. Moreso, Love has that uncanny ability to fill in the missing pieces of our own lives, even if we weren't aware that we had pieces missing to begin with. Love adds colour and adventure and is the best thing there is. Congratulations on finding the Love of a Giant in the land of the sweet tea!

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    1. Tom, what beautiful sentiments. You are 100% correct. Living without love is not living. Thank you so much for the lovely, lovely comment! :)

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  15. Your title makes a very big assumption about the kinds of love stories I read. But I've said too much already.

    Just kidding. This was adorable. :-)

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    1. Haha! The title was more of a hope than an assumption. :)

      Thanks for the comment and the laugh!

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